Things To Do On Brighton Pier...

a. Eat sugary doughnuts and mini sugary doughnuts.

b. Eat chips in trays, sometimes with beans.

c. Look at ladies for Mal Tanner.

d. Put your p in the slot.

e. Burp and fart.

f. Lose Mal Tanner.

g. Find Mal Tanner.

h. Buy more doughnuts.

i. Complain about the price of pop.

j. Listen to the pier DJ.

k. See the bikers.

l. Eat more doughnuts.

Brighton has two Piers, The West Pier is now somewhat derelict whilst the Brighton Pier (formally The Palace Pier) is a thriving area of seaside entertainment. It has everything you would want from a seaside amusements, Fortune Tellers, Gambling Machines, High-tech video games, Stomach churning carnival rides and of course thousands of seagulls.

It was quite sunny so every single person in Brighton had gone to the beach, although it wasn't actually that warm so there was the strange sight of people sunbathing in deckchairs with scarves on. Lots of mad kids falling off micro-scooters and big hairy dogs. At the pier we went to the arcade armed with our pounds's and played in the 'two-penny falls' machines, Justine made her pound last for ages and managed to win a small plastic yo-yo.

She was swizzed out of a slidey puzzle misleadingly called 'hours of fun' when it fell into the hole at the side of the machine instead of dropping down into the winnings tray. I didn't win anything because I was not as skillfull. The only thing that would make the two-penny falls more addictive would be to put crack cocaine in as prizes each morning.

The Dolphin Derby was fantastic, the players all sat in a row and had to roll little balls into holes, each time they got one in their big dolphin would swim a bit further - and the winner got a prize. This was all commentated by a comedy french man, and we worked out that he was taking £17 every two minutes from the punters. I was quite excited but not as excited as the punk man who won the cuddly toy octopus.

Brighton Pier took eight years to build and was opened in May 1899. In 1901 a pavilion on the pier was opened houseing a concert hall capable of seating 1500 people. You can celebrate this now by buying sugary dough-nuts and getting sticky sugar all over your hands and chin.

In 1984, Brighton Pier was purchased by the Noble amusement organisation, who invested to repair and maintain the structure. Now visitors from across the country and all around the world visit the Pier to sample the finest delights of seaside Brighton. These include chips and waffles with cream.